Heterosexual Persons
Generally, in the United States young unmarried people associate with members of the opposite sex more freely and informally than they do in many countries. The relationship between two people of the opposite sex might be as platonic as a brother/sister relationship, an acquaintance with romantic overtones, or an emotionally and physically intimate relationship. The two people may have no plans for marrying each other or anyone else or they could be planning to marry.

The social rules governing romantic relationships in the United States are fluid and vary greatly among individuals, so they can seem loose and unclear. When getting together, Americans tend to "do something," such as go to a movie or a concert. Going somewhere together to do something is called a "date" because the meeting time and place are agreed upon in advance. Dates can be initiated by either person and do not necessarily lead to romantic relationships.

If you are attracted to someone and suggest an occasion to meet, be sensitive to the reply. Look for signs that tell you whether the person is interested. This may be a situation in which an American will not be direct but may indicate lack of interest by giving a vague excuse as to why s/he is not available. On the other hand, the person may have a genuine conflict: listen for such cues as a request for a "rain check" which is a request to reschedule the date, often indicating there is interest.

The question of who pays for the activity should be clarified. Each person might pay his/her own way. If the person seems definite about wanting to "treat," i.e., pay for both, you might plan another evening to reciprocate. Often the burden for determining this lies with the person who issued the invitation in the first place. One way to bring up these negotiations is to ask something like, "How much will the tickets be?" or "Is that an expensive restaurant?" This can then lead to a discussion about expenses. When an American woman accepts a date or indicates interest in a man, she is not necessarily expressing a commitment to sexual involvement. When an American man asks a woman for a date or responds to her indication of interest in him, he is not necessarily expecting sexual involvement. In practical terms, a date implies no commitment of any kind other than an agreement to meet at a given place and time. Going to someone's home is not necessarily a commitment to sexual involvement, though some people may perceive it that way. Students are advised to avoid going home with someone until they know and trust the person. If a woman or man says no to sex or otherwise indicates unwillingness, do not attempt to persuade the person to change his/her mind. Some people may indicate no by remaining silent, although in this culture, it is advisable to actually say no.

The question of sexual involvement is complex and often confusing. You will find in the United States a wide range of attitudes and practices. There are few, if any, reliable ways to guess in advance what a person's attitude about sexual involvement might be. The media tends to convey the inaccurate idea that all Americans are readily available for sexual activity. This is certainly not true, especially as concern about acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) and other sexually transmitted infections and diseases has increased.

Americans generally follow their personal values, feelings, and thoughts when considering whether to become intimate with another person. Sexual involvement is regarded as the personal and private business of the people in the relationship.

Some people have negative opinions about individuals who engage in sexual activity outside of marriage, although it is likely to be more acceptable in a college environment. Cohabitation - that is couples who are committed to a continuing relationship with each other and live together but are not married - is common.

Homosexuality and bisexuality may be more visible in the United States than in some other countries, but this does not mean it is universally accepted here. No one knows for sure, but it is estimated that between two and ten percent of the U.S. population is homosexual or bisexual. It is common to see same-sex couples. Some people do not feel comfortable witnessing two men holding hands or two women kissing, and they have the right to ignore them, as they would any behavior that makes them uncomfortable. However, people do not have the right to harass people engaging in this behavior.

Another way you may hear someone described is as being transgender. This is a term for individuals whose gender identity does not match with that assigned by their physical sex. For example, someone's gender identity matches the conventional expectations for a man, but the person is biologically a woman.

As with heterosexuals, the best "rule" for dating is to make sure you always feel comfortable and safe with regard to emotional and physical interaction. Simply going on a date with someone does not mean that you must have sex. The section on "Dating Tips" provides more guidance and suggestions.

NYU has an Office of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Student Services at the Kimmel Center Suite 602, 60 Washington Square South. The OISS and the Office of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Student Service's brochure "Sexual Orientation: A U.S. Perspective for Foreign Students" is available at both offices and on the OISS website. If you are interested in finding out more about these issues or if you need support, call (212) 998-4424 or e-mail lgbt.office@nyu.edu. For further information, see www.nyu.edu//lgbt

Learn more