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How to Lose a Girl in 10 Ways
By Benton Lee, Columnist
Let's begin with the all-important beginnings of a relationship. Even though you had to bribe, cheat, steal, lie, blackmail, whatever, in order to get through the first few dates, that doesn't matter anymore. Now if you want your fledgling of a love fern to last longer than a week, the following are probably things you shouldn't do.
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So you are on another date and you guys have decided to go see a movie. Great idea, this way you don't have to talk to her and she won't have to talk to you. This way everybody is happy because the less she knows of you the less likely she won't run in the other direction and the less you know of her the less likely she will bore you to death. You may feel inclined to talk about the movie afterwards, as will she, but the trick here is to have her do all the talking. This way she will find you to be boring and will probably leave you. SUCCESS!
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Another method to employ on a date is the "crouching jerk hidden pervert." This date would have to take place in an activity setting such as a pool hall or bowling alley. The key here is that you give constant attention to your girl. The more touching the better. "Let me show you the proper form to (insert activity)." Remember the more your hands are not touching her the more likely she will feel abandoned. In order to show interest you must continue touching her. Then, of course, in the end she will leave you because you're a pervert and what girl would feel safe with a pervert? SUCCESS!
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Girls love to talk about sex. Just as much as guys, if not more so. So if you constantly talk about it, maybe she will like you even more. Tell her the best sex jokes you have ever heard and then insinuate that you are not just all talk. Again, she will probably leave your ass because you are a pervert. SUCCESS!
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So you guys have been dating and all of sudden you have piles of work to do. School, work, and your extracurricular activities have finally caught up with you. Well, since school is your priority, you have to take care of your business. Remember if you do not do well, your parent will hate you forever. It's O.K. to forget about the girl in your life because she will understand that you have other priorities that are more important to you than her. So go to work and make that money, study for midterms so you can get that 4.0, write that Generasian article so your 2 fans can read them. After your true goals are complete and you have some free time to kill again, then you can give that girl in your life some attention again. Of course she's left your ass for someone else - someone who has more time to kill with her than you. SUCCESS!
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