The Most Evil Questions Girls Ask Their Boyfriends
By Ada Leung, Columnist

Now that you have the girl, the next issue lingering on your mind must be, "How in the world do I answer those murderous questions she poses?" (read: the infamous mind games bloodthirsty girls love to inflict on poor-hearted souls) Below I’ve compiled a list of The Most Evil Questions I Ask My Boyfriend...I mean, um...The Most Evil Questions that Girls Ask Their Boyfriends.

1. I’m guessing the number one culprit causing angry bantering is when she gives you the stare of death and asks, "Am I too fat?" Or "Am I too skinny?"
   Simple. You tell her she’s a thundering marshmallow that shakes up half the continent with each step, and then get smacked for it. Or, you can opt to tell her she has the microscopically petite body resembling Ally McBeal, and then get kicked for it. Truth is, if we complain about being too fat or too skinny consistently, your answer to our one question is probably not going to change our view, or at least not in one shot. To stop her from perpetually complaining about her body, build up her confidence by dropping compliments every once in a while. Tell her how you love her sexy and feminine hips, or how her cute little figure is irresistibly hug-able. Let her know you notice and appreciate her beautiful body. She could have spent half an hour trying on which dress flatters her the most--at least make an effort to say how her outfit compliments her body.

2. She eyes a gorgeous Gwyneth Paltrow look-a-like. She turns to you, smiles innocently, and casually asks whether you think the girl she’s pointing at is pretty. What do you say after you wipe the drool from your face?
   The girl we’re pointing at may be supermodel gorgeous, and trust me, we know that, but being the petty little things that we are, we get jealous if you start drooling over some girl other than us. Casually acknowledge that you agree, but don’t start praising your newfound goddess. We still want to believe that we’re the most beautiful in our guy-of-interest’s eyes. Why else do you think we always have our "cute friend" (read: the ugliest creature you’ve ever lay eyes on) tag along whenever we approach a new guy at the bar?

3. You meet her friends--a horrid group of backstabbers, blabbermouths, and quite believably demons. After one night with them, you’ve decided you’d rather be jailed as a serial killer if it means you could strangle them all. Then your precious princess looks at you with optimism, enthusiastically questioning your love for your new best friends.
   There’s really no better advice here than to be honest. Tell her you think they’re wonderful people that you can’t wait to hang out with again. So maybe that wasn’t that honest, but at least that made your honey smile for the moment. Next thing you know, they all have keys to your house, throwing parties and unanimously deciding, without you of course, that your bedroom be the official dog potty training site. So be honest if you really can’t stand them, even if it makes your honey pout. As long as you’re not brutally honest (i.e. it’s probably not in your best favor to refer to them as spawns from hell), your girlfriend is not likely to force their friendship upon you. Some wishful thinking--if your girlfriend’s a really great person, there’s bound to be a friend that’s similar in personality, one that you will eventually tolerate seeing on a regular basis.

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