Kimchi and Pizza (cont'd...)
by Nanna Noneit, Special Contributor

"Yeah, kimchi on pizza tastes better."

"I agree. It does. But kimchi's still gassy."

"It wasn't…I mean, I didn't get gas afterwards. Maybe I'm just different."

"Maybe, kimchi has different effects on different people. I suspect my mother dumps in a lot of red pepper when she makes it to give me a heart attack."

"Ha ha ha…oh, you're serious. Sorry. I thought Koreans were all super-tolerant of spicy foods."

"That's a myth and I'm living proof kimchi gives me intestinal gas."

"Oh, that's why you dislike it so much! It gives me no problems at all."

"Lucky you. Hey, do you want to trade places with me? You can try being Korean for a day and stuff yourself with all the kimchi you want from my place."

"I would love to…"

"But?"

"But your mom kind of freaks me out. You know? I don't mean to be offensive, but your mom's kinda…"

"Strict? None taken. She IS strict. She makes me eat kimchi for dinner and then take Mylanta Antacid right afterwards."

"What?"

"My mom's deathly afraid my dislike for kimchi means I'm not Korean enough and she said she would be ashamed to show her face back in her native country if it turned out I was too…non-Korean."

"But you're Korean! Nothing's going to change that!"

"Tell that to a mother who's hell-bent on raising me on kimchi and making sure that it properly goes into my system one way and comes out the other way in an appropriate format."

"Eww…don't get gross on me here…I can live without all the sordid little details…I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be sorry for me. I've got loads and loads of Mylanta. My mom bought them on sale during Christmas. I've even got a bottle on me right now right here [pats bookbag]."

"Hey, I have an idea then! Why don't we go eat some kimchi at a place nearby? We're in Koreatown after all. There's got to be kimchi somewhere around here!"

"Um…"

"Come on. For a friend?"

"Um…"

"I'll buy you an extra Mylanta if you need it. Please? Pretty please?"

"[sighs] Fine. For a friend."

"Don't worry, I'll pay. And let's get some pizza to go with it."

"Sure, why not? I can stock up on grease and spice at the same time. It can't possibly be that bad for my health."

"Stop being so deprecating about yourself. Come on, let's go. How much is a bottle of Mylanta anyway?"

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