In a city filled with millions of men and hundreds of attractive women, a guy is bound to notice that some girls look better than others. If social Darwinism worked in practice as well as Communism works in theory and the world belonged to an elite class hell-bent on creating a population more pleasing to the eye, then the law of the land would limit reproductive sex exclusively to Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston (David Beckham and Posh Spice for all you Brits) in an effort to increase the chance of having beautiful offspring. The fact remains; reproduction is a right (as long as all participants are above the age of consent) and not a privilege, allowing for any mix and match of people to procreate, thereby exponentially increasing the possibility of an annual Rodney Dangerfield look-alike contest.

Beauty may be only skin deep, but nobody ever said Christina Aguilera has a nice personality. Saying that Britney Spears was put on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine because she's nice is like arguing that Sorry is the penultimate game of strategy and that precision dice rolling is an acquired skill. That, of course, brings us to our question of the week, which also happens to be the question most often asked amongst intellectual circles: Who do you think is better, Britney or Christina Aguilera?

Although seemingly irrelevant to Asian culture altogether, you have to realize that first, many Asian guys have pondered the answer to this question more so than their life plans after graduation and second, I'm actually going somewhere with this. Recently, this semester to be more accurate, there have been rumors that maybe there is a possibility of a chance that there exists a list, drafted by a sorority, ranking the Asian males of NYU from best to not-as-good. Everybody from the New York Times to Billboard to the American Film Institute has a list, but unlike the others, trying to obtain a tangible copy of this list can be compared to sitting like a prisoner on an auto-flush toilet, petrified that the slightest movement will engage the auto-flush mechanism and fearing that the premature flush will splash water all over your bare ass: it's no fun. On a related note, the unfortunate existence of auto-flush toilets signifies that people are either too lazy or too filthy, disgusting, and lacking in character to flush their own shit or both. It is the harbinger of the doom of civil society, and people be damned.

The information pertaining to this list is extremely vague, but from what I heard through the grapevine, Frank Hong is third on the list and Josh Wang is somewhere further down. I heard that freshman Charlie Rhee is also on the list, due in some part to his girlfriend's participation in drafting the list. By now, you must be asking yourself, "If Frank is #3, then who is #1? Where am I on this list, and is this something I can put on my résumé?" However, before you get your hopes up, realize that, as surely as eating nothing but Trix cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner will make your excrement come out in a color a shade between forest green and aquamarine, this list is far from flawless.

Creating a list that catalogs members of the opposite sex in descending order of whatever desirability is the exact inhumane, superficial, and pig-headed act for which women often berate men. Getting past the hypocrisy, you'll stumble onto a barrage of faults inherent within this list. Romeo had Juliet, Harry had Sally, and Batman had Robin, yet the existence of such a list is an acknowledgement by the creators that there is no one true love for each and every person. The list first declares that several girls believe the #1 guy to be their one and only while admitting that if you can't be with that one guy, you should continue going down the list until you find one suitable and available for your tastes. The errors do not stop there. Firsthand experience tells me that shopping for shoes is a formidable task for any woman, and shoes only go on your feet. Therefore, it must be an utterly impossible and incomprehensible challenge