Advice Column: But I Don't Want Advice on How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship, I Haven't Even Found a Guy Yet!
By Ada Leung, Columnist

We all absolutely hate the girl that every Abercrombie-ad-worthy guy ends up surrounding at a party. She’s the same girl that also has the interest of all the cute dorks in your classes. While you’re still trying to look as if you’re not dancing with yourself, she’s already grinding with every guy you only dream of talking to. You and your friends all agree she’s a slut who’s an aspiring prostitute, but you secretly wished you could be like her, sans the boobs hanging out of her patent leather halter-top aspect. She makes meeting guys look so easy, meanwhile you haven’t dated since that freshmen you saw a movie with when you were a senior in high school. But do you really have to be a whore like her just to meet a guy? What are some ways to utilize your flirting skills without being a skank?

The most likely place is probably in your classes. Why not take advantage of the opportunity that you have a whole variety of guys are in the same place whom you’ll be seeing for the whole semester? So on the first day you’re sitting all doe-eyed and hopeful, you spot the Hugh Grant look-a-like (ok, maybe chop off a few years). The first time he walked into your class your eyes were instantaneously glued. You even had that scene from Clueless playing in your head…his backpack slung lazily over his left shoulder, his right hand running through the messy just-rolled-out-of-bed hair; he takes a glance at you slightly smiling, just when you realize that it was merely a scene in your head, and he’s actually just rolling his eyes at you, and that smile…was really just a contemptuous smirk. So now what? How do you try to meet him without appearing as a stalker?

Although lacking in originality, it’s a tried and true way: Introduce yourself as a potential study buddy. Offer to study or work on projects with him. After a while, when he sees that you’re a nice, intelligent person, chances will develop. The key is not to be overwhelming here. This is a class after all. If he arrives at your place to study for an exam, and you welcome him in skimpily clad a satin chemise, lights dimmed, and wine prepared, he’ll probably just think you’re a psycho. Not to mention he probably wouldn’t want to risk getting a bad grade in class working with someone weird like you. At the same time, if you’re overly serious, that’s all he’ll remember you as…that “girl that’s really smart and hardcore”. By being subtle, dropping little flirtatious hints now and then, while showing him you’re smart, responsible, dependable, and friendly, he’ll want to know you beyond the scope of the class.

What if you’ve already managed to become every fellow male student’s study buddy and it’s not going anywhere? Besides school, you could always dip into your social life. You walk into a party with your friends and you see swarms of hot guys. You could make like that whore and give out your number to anyone you see and proceed to follow the cutest guy home. Too bad he’ll forget your name by the next morning. Oh yes, and not to mention that he’ll never have any intentions of having a relationship with you, after deciding that you’re nothing more than a whore. So how do you appear sexy without marketing yourself as the easiest potential one-night-stand? First of all, a shirt that looks like your dog already chewed half of it is not the way to go. Secondly, being overly aggressive (i.e. Cradling in his laps while introducing yourself) will probably not work to your advantage either. You want to appear available, but not desperate. Be brave and just talk him as if you were meeting a new friend. It doesn’t matter if he looks like Tyrese, if you don’t like who he is when you talk to him, then he’s just not the one you want to hook up with. Remember that it’s a two-way thing: you want a boyfriend, but at the same time, you don’t want to settle with just any guy…I guess unless he really does look exactly like Tyrese.

Say you’re not the party type and your social life consists of shopping for shoes, getting your nails done, or other activities where the male species are significantly underrepresented. Again, take advantage of the fact you’re in college and join a club. It’s an easy way to find a pool of guys with similar interests or goals as you. In addition, you could also see the guy in a social setting, not only how he acts towards you, but also how he acts around others. He’s there for the same reason as you, to meet people and have fun, so you really don’t need an excuse to hang out with him. If after a while, you decide that he makes a better brother figure than a potential boyfriend, you would have already met some new friends that could introduce you to others. They’ll introduce you to their friends, and so on. You’ll eventually meet that guy you’ve been wishing for.

If you apply these ideas to your approach, he’ll come along eventually. However, if you’re overly concerned with finding a guy, it’ll be harder for you to get to know other people, which would actually limit the possible sources for meeting new guys. Instead of aggressively looking for the right boyfriend, first focus on meeting new people. You’ll have tons of opportunities to find Mr. Right, without having to slut yourself out to every guy at a college party. Look at the big picture and realize that now is not going to be the only time you’ll ever meet a man. So stop fretting and just focus on enjoying life at the moment-- with or without a boyfriend.