Advice: The Art of Persuasion
by Ada Leung, Columnist

Reacting to Benton's commentary, I suppose you're all wildly anticipating a "Girls' Guide to Getting Guys", but seeing that most girls don't seem completely clueless, although not insinuating that guys are, I felt it fitting that I should more or less provide a supplement to Benton's side, offering a girl's point of view on how well I think his tactics will prove. Besides, it's always better to just sit back and relax while waiting for the guys to make a move.

For starters in response to Benton's side, I don't think that concentrating in school and having a girl at the same time will create any type of dilemma. With the right time management skills, a girl can even help alleviate some of that stress, cheering you up right before the depression hits. Keep in mind that we're not all vicious vultures who demand 24/7 shopping time with you. We have school and work too, not to mention friends we'd like to spend some time with, so don't succumb to that excuse of "I don't have time for a girlfriend" simply because you're afraid to pursue one. If it's the right girl, it'll work out fine.

As for the list of girls, Benton should have been well prepared that this would be a critical point for any even slightly feminist reader out there. No girl is perfect, and cataloguing them into categories where one is distinctly positive or negative doesn't seem to give them due justice. Not saying that I can do any better, as I am about to ask: Why is it about what the guys want? How about us girls? Offering the same disclaimer as Benton has, here are my feeble attempts at creating a restrictive categorization of guys in respect to his list:

Party guy- He's cool in that he can take you to all the hottest club and party scenes in the city, but he's so drunk every weekend, that you're not so sure whether you can believe him when he says he has no idea why all those thongs keep mysteriously popping up at his place.

Christian guy- He's respectful and trustworthy, and you'll never have to stress that your mom won't absolutely adore him, but he's so righteous and well mannered that you can't help but feel you're going falling into eternal damnation every time you curse in front of him.

Slutty guy- He's hot, sexy, and plain yummy. Too bad that's about all he's got going for him. A guy that's model gorgeous but sluts himself around too much will only rack up insecurity points. Yes, we want a good looking guy, but refuse to stoop as far as dating a male whore.

Smart guy- It's always a plus if the guy is able to carry on an intelligent conversation. Smart guys can be charming and witty, but if they're excessively brainy, they might expect you to be able to contribute to their conversation regarding Giacconi's latest discoveries in advanced X-ray astrophysics, which might leave you feeling slightly "HUH? Um…wtf is he talking about?"

Any guy- Girls rarely have to stoop that low. Oh, Benton, you know I'm just playing…*I should probably invest in that bullet proof vest right about now*

Notice how no one category is evidently advantageous over the other? That's because we hope you don't find yourself molded into any specific one. Guys are not so interesting when they're predictable, and owning a combination of the positive aspects of the said categories will only better your chances. Agreeing with Benton, I believe confidence is crucial. If you're fussing over and exaggerating how much you suck, it'll only make it easier for us to concentrate on the negative aspects and harder for us to see what an awesome guy you really are. At the same time, be careful not to step too far as to become an arrogant dick. We like to hear about your intelligent endeavors in life, but too much and we'll only try to find a way to shut you up. As for what to say to girls, do allow us to talk but contribute frequently. We usually get the vibe when we're excessively blabbing, but sometimes still get carried away and may need some friendly, subtle reminding. We do like to hear about the interesting incidents in your life, provided you have one…something that will make us laugh or giggle. We want to know that you have a crazy and fun side (i.e. Benton's suggestion that you should tell us about your attempts at setting your house on fire) but refrain from informing us about your ambitions of performing on Jackass. We like funny, not idiotic. And I agree with Benton-the dysfunctional family stories should probably be reserved for a time other than the first date.

I hope this little banter with Benton's commentary provided you with a bit of entertainment, whether you're waiting for the delayed *or normal by now* NYU bus, or a subway ride home, or wherever it is you happen to have delved into this mindless reading. Stay tuned and try to be somewhat excited in anticipation for more of our…"wise and valuable advice" in issues to come.