Terry Campbell as Anais Nin
Reading Incest was just a little too much for me. Here was a women sleeping with all of these different men from her own father to her psychiatrist. I tried to be a little open minded while reading and wondered if she was really telling the truth but I guess she was. I wondered about the men she slept with did they know about each other? If the did know I wondered if they cared? I thought about her sleeping with her physiatrist. What kind of doctor who should be helping someone with her problems and issues sleep with the patient? In some aspects I think that Anais used these men to feed into her vanity.
Einsteins Dream was a wonderful book I loved the way different types of time mattered. My favorite passage was if two people didnt meet then one person after another would not have been born. It made me think of my family. If my uncle did not introduce my father to my mother then my brothers, sister and myself would not have been born. It made fate seem so important. It made for great reading just before I went to bed every night because when you are just one by yourself with your thoughts it became a deep feeling. I also thought about how I spend my time how after starting school it has become so busy where I dont have time for anything just Study! Study! Study! But then it made me think of all the time I have wasted not going to school right after I graduated from High School but there is a saying the past is where it belongs it is the future that is important. I want to tell everyone to leave me alone that I dont have time to hang out I dont have time to listen to their problems because I have my own. Someone told me that once I started back to school I would have to sacrifice a lot. They were not kidding.
One day in the life of Ivan Denisovich made me think if I only had one day to live what would I do. Being in prison, knowing that I maybe executed the next day I probably like other people would turn to religion. Being Pentecostal I would ask God to forgive me for sins. I would then reflect on my life from when I became aware of myself to the present day. Is the reason that I am in prison worth losing my life for? I would probably ask myself that question over and over in my head.
After reading Narcissus and Goldmund I felt they were two individuals who like myself are trying to find their own identities. I am thirty seven and I guess to most people I should have my own awareness of myself but I dont I feel that I am in the right direction now. I also felt these two gentlemen in their own way were soul mates. They made me think about my soul mate and how I feel about him. He is trying to understand about my lack of time with him but I know it bothers him. After arguing about not spending time with him I wonder if we are really soul mates at all. But back to Narcissus and Goldmund like Clyde and myself we are so different my friends call us "Martin and Gina" because he can be street as in streetwise and always joking and I am so business and refined. He told me that I changed that I am no longer the Terry he knew that I have become bourgeois. Well back to Narcissus and Goldmund again I like the way Hesse made these two people so vastly different personality wise connects together so beautifully. I guess the old saying is true "opposites attract."
While preparing for the oral presentation for Lolita and after reading the book and watching the movie, I was really into finding out about the author Nabokov. I thought it took someone with great writing expertise to come up with a book like that. Nabokov was so different that the character he wrote about with such passion. Here was a man who collected butterflies and wanted to live his life in private while creating a character like Humbert Humbert who was a sick man a pedophile that ruin the life of a innocent girl. Although, I started to feel sorry for this man because he was so deeply in love with this girl I wanted to say get a grip and seek help.
I liked "A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man." The story of Stephens confession, how he heard the fire and brimstone sermon and was going to the confessional afraid that he was going to die and go to hell before he had a chance to confess, made me think of my childhood. I started going to church and the pastor would say that we must repent and that we have to be born again in the eyes of God or we would spend eternity in hell. I was so scared every time he would say those words, I would start to cry.
I also enjoyed the when Stephen had flashbacks of his childhood. He was beat up by his friends because he would not back down. I liked this because you after going through hell in school as a child he was able to laugh about it with the same people in adulthood. It shows maturity.
Major 20th Century Writers
I wanted to start my life over again so what better place to do this is in New York. I decided to start my new life in America land of the free home of the brave. Life is so different here in America. Oh, how I miss Paris and Henry his touch, his smell, the way he feels, I miss his dependence on me, I miss the anger when he cannot find the right words to put down on paper. What will Henry do without me; maybe he will find his way back to June. Well CE LE VIE.
What a beautiful day for a walk in the park! Look at the children playing, I wish I was able to bear a child for my Henry maybe life would have been different for us. Look at that couple walking, holding hands, the way he looks at her while she looks away makes me yearn for him. Henry, why did you not come to America with me to start again we could have been that couple you are so stubborn wanting to stay in Paris because you felt your creativity was there.
In a city, so filled with so many people I feel so lonely, so empty. I am tempted to write to Henry and tell him to come but I must fight this temptation. I will find love again. Will I find a man who can fulfill my urges like Henry? Maybe another drink of wine will help. What a view of the city at night, the lights, maybe I should go see one of those plays or maybe go the cinema. The music on the radio sounds so soothing; the wine is starting to have its way with me. Goodnight, New York.
I took another walk in the park today and saw the most interesting man he looked so serious as he wrote in his little notebook. I decided to walk over and made an attempt to be notice by him. I sat down on the bench close to him and watched him. He seemed to watching a young girl on one of the swings and went back to writing. I wondered what he was writing in that book. "Pardon moi", I said he looked at me with a frown as if I interrupted a very deep thought he was transcribing. "Pardon moi," I said again I was wondering if you were a writer. He did not answer me and looked at me as if I was some creature from another planet. I was asking because I am a writer myself, let me introduce myself my name is Anais Nin and I just arrived here from Paris and what is your name? He stuttered but I was able to understand his name was Humbert Humbert. It is that your daughter? She is very beautiful. He said yes. Then suddenly he said rather sternly, if you dont mind I am in the middle of writing in my journal and I wish not to be disturbed. I am very sorry to disturb you monsieur but I also keep a journal it helps me because I am new to this country with no friends and I feel that it is my only friend right now again I am sorry to have disturb you. May you and your daughter have a lovely day. When I started to leave Monsieur Humbert stuttered pardon my rudeness but when I start writing I hate to be disturb. His daughter ran over this is my daughter Delores. Bonjour Delores my name is Anais it is a pleasure to meet you the little girl did not return my greeting but instead made a rather odd gesture toward her father as if she were to kiss him on his lips. Monsieur Humbert seemed rather nervous and pushed the little girl back. I excused myself from these two rather odd people and decided that I would make friends elsewhere.
Where am I? Please tell me? "You will soon know" the voice answered in front of me. After a long walk down a very dark corridor we finally enter into a room with three people, they all stood when I entered. The voice finally spoke again " Mademoiselle Nin we are finally at your new home, I am sure you will find this accommodating, here are your three roommates, they will introduce themselves to you, if you have any questions, you can use the electric bell and I will be at your service. "Very unlikely" said the male voice of the three.
After surveying the room and looking at the three people standing before me I finally decided to speak, "Bonjour, my name is Anais Nin and yours?" The first voice was that of a female my name is Estelle, Estelle Rigault, the other female voice said that her name was Inez Serrano and the male voice stated that his name was Joseph Garcin. "Exactly, where are we?" This is your new home of course said the woman whose name was Inez. The women named Inez seemed very strange, she was looking at me with her eyes the way that Henry did. Why dont you come and sit with me Anais she said. I was very reluctant but I went over and sat with her. Inez gently took my hand and I wanted to snatch it back but she looked like she wanted to be my friend. "You are very pretty Anais, such beautiful skin and your eyes are like a pool that I could swim in forever and ever". Why thank you I said and then I turned to the gentleman Joseph can you answer my question Monsieur? Where exactly are we. He looked at me with the same look at said why dont you come over and sit with me Anais? I walked over to his chair and sat down, with Inez looking at me like a rejected suitor. Well Monsieur where are we? Anais, you are very beautiful, are you married darling? If you not I bet you have many suitors? Perhaps, you and I.... I smiled at this man and said thank you and I thought maybe this is not such a bad place after all, well Monsieur Garcin you say such nice things. I felt the gaze of the woman who said that her name was Estelle bearing through me as if I was stealing her husband. Monsieur will you please tell me where we are I said again to him. Tell me Anais what do you last remember? I told him that I just got home from the park, where I met this very odd man and his daughter and that I felt a little tired so I decided to take a nap but someone came into my room it was my beloved Henry, he just looked at me and told me that he could not live without me anymore and that if I did not return to Paris with him he would kill me and himself. I just laughed at him and told him to leave and I went to rest and when I woke up I was here. The three of them all looked at each other and had little smiles on their faces. I then looked at the woman named Estelle and said if Monsieur Garcin is not going to tell me where we are will you? She also said to come over to her chair, I went over and sat down and she looked at me. You are very beautiful Anais but as I look closely you have a few wrinkles under your eyes. I never will have that problem I keep such good care of myself. Wrinkles, you said I looked at her and wondered what this little troll meant I never had a wrinkle nor have I started to get wrinkles. I just told her that we could all not be as beautiful as you are Estelle, she started to smile and I thought that I just won her over. Can one of you please just tell me where we are???? HELL! they all screamed, suddenly I was back in my bed in my little home in the United States. What a dream.
Vladmir Nabokov started writing at a young age, writing his first poem at age fifteen. He became obsessed with words and spent his life trying to capture the perfect style and structure in his books. Nobokov became popular in Berlin writing in his native language that was Russian. In 1923, after graduating from Cambridge he published four plays and two books of poetry.
His first book "Mary" was published in 1926 about a young male immigrant longing for the woman he left behind in Russia this book received little attention, but he continued to write and publish novels. King, Queen and Knave in 1928, The Defense in 1930, Glory in 1932 and a short story The Return of Chorb. It was in the late 1930s, when "Lolita" his best and most known novel began to take form. Although, he abandoned this story for others "Lolita" was the story that never left him.
When Nabokov finally finished "Lolita" he knew that he completed the best of his work. In a letter to a publisher Nobokov wrote, "Would you be interested in publishing a time bomb that I have just finished putting together it is a novel of 459 typewritten pages." Needless to say this publisher did not publish the book along with other publishers and was not released until 1955 in France with the United States publishing it 1958.
The book, set in Post World War II America in the form of a middle-age mans obsession and sexual relations with his 12 year old nymphet stepdaughter was at once praised and vilified for its content. Critics call the book pornographic something that Noabokov often debated. Critics also looked beyond the shocking words of the book to discover Nabokovs portrayal of America that revealed the loss of love, youth moral and values.
Many critics also argued that Nabokov was a monster. How else could he create such an amoral character as Humbert Humbert? This assumption of Nabokovs perversity was prevalent in the publics mind when "Lolita" was first published and resurfaced with the release of the first movie. Nabokovs depiction of pedophilia was so heartfelt and nearly sympathetic that some found it difficult to believe that any pure-thinking man could have written it.
If the critics only knew that Nabokov was just that a wholesome, kind, family man who collected butterflies. He was known more for his love of playing chess and paintings than for desiring young girls. It became clear that Humberts personality was not from Nabokovs lifes experience but from his talented imagination.
To be honest when I first started to read the book, I really thought that this was a true story until I found out it was fiction. It was amazing that Nabokov could get inside the head of someone so sick in mind and write such an amazing book. It was said that for Nabokov to be able to create such a character so different from his own persona was a testament to his talent.
For example, there exists a connection between Humbert the Perverse and Nabokov the butterfly collector. Humbert has two passions the worship of Lolita and the possession of Lolita. But while in pursuit of these passions Humbert also managed to study, capture and abuse her eventually destroying what made Lolita desirable, her innocence. Nabokov, the butterfly collector also dallied in this admiration and destruction game, as did Humbert as a butterfly collector Nobokov adored these creatures that he found beautiful, rare and frail but then he would kill, perserve and literally pinned them down, as did Humbert of Lolita.
The book has been hailed as one of the greatest novels of all times, ranking number four on the Modern Librarys controversial list of the best 100 novels of the 20th century.
Although, the work changed Nabokovs life, for better and worse, he made enough money to do as he pleased, and critics started to look at his work with new respect and intensity he lost something that he desperately desired and that was his privacy he once commented that "Lolita is famous, not I." In 1961, seeking his privacy he moved to Switzerland where he remained until he died in 1977.
We would like to now show you two different parts of the movie that are linked to the book. But before we show you the movie I would like to give you a little background on it. The 1997 version of Lolita was directed by Adrian Lyne who is also known for other controversial movies such as Fatal Attraction, Indecent Proposal and Nine and 1/2 weeks.
Budgeted at $58 million and with appearances in only a small number of European theatres following its premiere in September, 1998, the movie had a hard time making an appearance in the United States. Studios and American pay-per-view station passed on the film because of the subject matter. Cable TVs Showtime brought the rights to Lolita and was the first to show the film in the United States.
It was also reported that the movie had bad timing because the subject of pedophilia was a high point with the sensitivity of the murder of Jon-Benet Ramsey. But Anna will talk to you more about the subject of pedophilia a little later.
The cast of Lolita includes Jeremy Irons playing the 45 year old Professor Humbert Humbert, Melanie Griffin playing Lolitas mother, Frank Langella playing Clare Quilty and Dominique Swain who was fifteen at the time and in her first movie playing the fourteen year "nymphet" Lolita. The movie is rated "R".
I would like to now read to you one of the two parts of the books then we will show that part of the film.