Act II
Scene 2
Another part of the wood
Titania, Queen of the Fairies, enters.
Titania (Chyna)
Come, now a roundel and a fairy song;
Then for the third part of a minute, hence--
Some to kill cankers in the muskrose buds,
Some war with reremice for their leathern wings
To make my small elves coats, and some keep back
The clamorous owl that nightly hoots and wonders
At our quaint spirits. Sing me now asleep.
Fairies, sing me now asleep. Where are they? What's this note?
"Dear Titania, We hate this play. Gone to the Acolyte Protection Agency to drink beer and play cards. You'll have to find someone else to be in your Fairy Train.
Sincerely, Peaseblossom and Cobweb"
Fine! I don't need a bunch of lousy Fairies anyway. I'll probably sleep better without their crappy songs anyway.
Titania sleeps.
Oberon enters and anoints Titania's eyelids with the nectar.
Oberon (Mr. Ass)
What thou seest when thou dost wake,
Do it for thy true love take.
Love and languish for his sake.
Be it ounce, or cat, or bear,
Pard, or boar with bristled hair,
In thy eye that shall appear
When thou wak'st, it is thy dear.
Wake when some vile thing is near.
Oberon exits.
Lysander and Hermia enter.
Lysander (Chris Jericho)
Fair love, you faint with wand'ring in the wood.
And, to speak troth, I have forgot our way.
We'll rest us, Hermia, if you think it good,
And tarry for the comfort of the day.
Hermia (Tori)
Be it so, Lysander. Find you out a bed,
For I upon this bank will rest my head.
Lysander (Chris Jericho)
Oh, look there's a hammock over there tied between those two trees. I'll sleep over there.
Hermia (Tori)
Oh, OK, I'll just rest my head on this tree stump here. Good Night!
Lysander (Chris Jericho)
Good Night!
They sleep.
Puck enters.
Puck (Cactus Jack)
Through the forest have I gone,
But Athenian found I none
On whose eyes I might approve
This flower's force in stirring love.
Night and silence! A hammock in the middle of the woods! Oh, someone is sleeping on it.
Weeds of Athens he doth wear.
This is he my master said
Despised the Athenian maid.
And here the maiden, sleeping sound
On the dank and dirty ground.
Pretty soul, she durst not lie
Near this lack-love, this kill-courtesy.--
Churl, upon thy eyes I throw
All the power this charm doth owe.
Puck anoints Lysander's eyelids with the nectar.
When thou wak'st, let love forbid
Sleep his seat on thy eyelid.
So, awake when I am gone,
For I must now to Oberon.
Puck exits.
Demetrius and Helena enter.
Helena (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley)
Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Demetrius.
Demetrius (The Rock)
I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus.
Helena (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley)
O, wilt thou darkling leave me? Do not so.
Demetrius (The Rock)
Stay, on thy peril. The Rock alone will go.
Demetrius exits.
Helena (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley)
O, I am out of breath in this fond chase, but it sure was fun. I'm going to torture The Rock so much that he'll have no choice but to stay out of my sight forever. I'll kill him with kindness. Being the fine actress that I am, I was prepared to momentarily put our personal differences aside in order to play this part opposite The Rock. Now, it is obvious to me that he was not professional enough to do the same. So, two can play at his game.
But who is here? Lysander, in a hammock!
Dead or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.--
Perhaps I shall tip the hammock over and see if he wakes.
Lysander, if you live, good sir, awake.
Lysander (Chris Jericho)
Hey, watch it! I was sleep--
And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake.
Transparent Helena! Nature shows art,
That through thy bosom makes me see thy heart.
Where is Demetrius? O, how fit a word
Is that vile name to perish on my sword!
I will give him a Y2J beating that he will never eeeeever forget.
Helena (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley)
Do not say so. Lysander, say not so.
What though he love your Hermia? Lord, what though?
Yet Hermia still loves you. Then be content.
Lysander (Chris Jericho)
Content with Hermia? No, I do repent
The tedious minutes I with her have spent.
Not Hermia, but Helena I love.
Who will not change a raven for a dove?
The will of man is by his reason swayed,
And reason says you are the worthier maid.
Things growing are not ripe until their season;
So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason.
And touching now the point of human skill
Reason becomes the marshal to my will
And leads me to your eyes, where I o'erlook
Love's stories written in love's richest book.
Helena (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley)
Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?
When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?
Good troth, you do me wrong, good sooth, you do,
In such disdainful manner me to woo.
But fare you well. Perforce I must confess
I thought you lord of more true gentleness.
O, that a lady of one man refused
Should of another therefore be abused!
Helena exits.
Lysander (Chris Jericho)
She sees not Hermia.--Hermia, sleep thou there,
And never mayst thou come Lysander near.
For, as a surfeit of the sweetest things
The deepest loathing to the stomach brings,
Or as the heresies that men do leave
Are hated most of those they did deceive,
So thou, my surfeit and my heresy,
Of all be hated, but the most of me!
And, all my powers, address your love and might
To honor Helen and to be her Y2J knight.
Lysander exits.
Hermia (Tori)
Help me, Lysander, help me! Do thy best
To pluck this crawling serpent from my breast.
Ay me, for pity! What a dream was here!
Lysander, look how I do quake with fear.
Methought a serpent ate my heart away,
And you sat smiling at his cruel prey.
Lysander! What, removed? Lysander, lord!
What, our of hearing? Gone? No sound, no word?
Alack, where are you? Speak, an if you hear.
Speak, of all loves! I swoon almost with fear.--
No? Then I well perceive you are not night.
Either death or you I'll find immediately.
Hermia exits.
Helena enters.
Helena (Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley)
I am getting a little irritated with this play. I don't understand why my character gets absolutely no respect from anyone. Demetrius steps on my lines, and Lysander is just plain obnoxious. Usually I am a very independent woman; however, this time, I may have to request the help of the other disgruntled members of this cast. Now, being the cunning, resourceful young woman that I am, I read the note that the Fairies left for Titania. I will go to the Acolyte Protection Agency and entreat the help of the Hardy Boys and the Acolytes. I must deal with my two problems before they get any worse. In the meantime, I must keep up my fine acting, so they don't suspect a thing.
Helena exits.
Table of Contents Cast of Characters Act I Scene 1 Act I Scene 2 Act II Scene 1 Act III Scene 1 Act III Scene 2
Act IV Scene 1 Act IV Scene 2 Act V Scene 1