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   Latke v. Hamentash:
   Professors debate best Jewish food
   
   BY SARAH LUDWIG '00
   
   Six professors and faculty members engaged in a heated debate last
   Wednesday over two ethnic Jewish foods: the latke and the hamentash.
   The debate was opened by Rabbi Devorah Jacobson, dressed in a
   harlequin mask and jester's cap, and facilitated by Economics
   Professor Arna Desser, who treated each debater with an equal amount
   of disrespect in her introduction. She promised that each panelist
   present would be seen as their "silliest, bawdiest, most clever and
   arrogant selves," and explained that the debate was an excuse to "let
   loose and get tipsy."
   
   A panel of judges listened to every speaker support their choice for
   the best Jewish food. Each debater was given eight minutes to give
   their case, and three minutes were given at the end of the debate for
   a rebuttal by each team. On the hamentash side were Professors Susan
   Scotto, John Lipman, and Kevin McCaffery. Fighting for the latke were
   professors Karen Hollis and Lucas Wilson, and Varsity Crew Coach
   Jeannie Friedman.
   
   McCaffery opened for the hamentash team, claiming that the hamentash,
   a triangular, fruit-filled pastry, had a great influence over American
   jazz music, citing Cole Porter's lyrics "tomato, tomato/potato,
   potato/let's call the whole thing off." McCaffery explained that these
   lines illustrated Porter's ambivalence for the potato, the main
   ingredient of the latke. He played several selections from jazz albums
   in an effort to strengthen his argument, stating after one that "you
   can almost see the hamentash." McCaffery also pointed out that the
   piano is shaped like a hamentash.
   
   Friedman fought first for the latke side, demonstrating that potatoes
   were shaped like various sport balls Q field hockey, tennis, lacrosse
   Q and that "the latke, as a direct product of the potato, is the main
   provider of mental and physical power." She claimed that Mary Lyon ate
   potato soup as she constructed the plans for Mount Holyoke College,
   and concluded that the latke was responsible for "opening the world of
   physical activity and sports to women across the world." She concluded
   that the yam, a brother of the potato, was in fact similar in shape to
   "the epitome of sports: crew."
   
   Scotto also argued for the hamentash. She compared the pastry to the
   female sexual organs and proceeded to explain the ways in which one
   should eat it. She also claimed that Mary Lyon was in reality a Jewish
   lesbian named Miriam Lavine who served hamentashes to the early
   seminarians. Lipman also supported the hamentash, claiming that it is
   "derived from the seat of all civilizations," and that the latke is
   "the root of all evil," responsible for European tyranny. He compared
   the shape of the hamentash to several Chinese symbols, concluding that
   the hamentash represents humanity and inclusiveness.
   
   Hollis and Wilson argued on the pro-latke side. Hollis used Pavlovian
   theories to support the latke, displaying the scientist's notes from
   the famous bell experiment in which it showed latkes inducing 14 drops
   of saliva in dogs, while hamentashes induced only 3. Wilson used his
   economics background to show in a very lengthy (and much-ridiculed by
   Desser) speech that the hamentash was bourgeois and the latke
   multifaceted. He explained that the latke had no artificial filling
   and that there were no differences in what it claimed and what its
   qualities actually were.
   
   Lipman gave the rebuttal for the hamentash side, giving three points.
   "Latkes are fine for dogs," he said in response to Hollis' argument.
   Wilson then argued McCaffery's point that jazz musicians had enjoyed
   hamentash. "Coltrane played in after-hours clubs where latke-eaters
   hung out," he said.
   
   The judges then gave their decisions. "Had Lucas taken off his
   clothes, I would have been swayed. My vote goes to the hamentash."
   said one.
   
   "It's amazing that it took me until my senior year to realize that
   professors talk about things they know nothing about," said another,
   who voted for the latke side. Because the four judges tied in their
   decision, the vote was put to the audience, who also supported both
   sides equally. Prizes were therefore given to all participants.
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   This page was created by Julia Lee '99. It is maintained by The Mount
                               Holyoke News,
             the newspaper of Mount Holyoke College since 1917.