Frequently Asked Questions About Making Friends

There's so much to do at NYU and in NYC. How do I find what's right for me?

Practice, practice, practice. The variety of opportunities at NYU is exciting but can be a bit overwhelming. If you can identify a few areas of interest to you, either things you have enjoyed previously or have been curious about, that can help narrow down the field. You can start within your school or according to your status as a resident or commuter. Student Resource Center staff have gathered key information to help you in your search. Visit this page on the Student Resource Center web site to start getting involved. Remember, the pace of the city can seem frenzied, but you can take your time to find your niche.

I'm naturally kind of shy. How can I meet other people?

Lots of people are shy - even those who don't outwardly appear so. The bottom line is that you'll have to push yourself a little bit to meet others, but there are many forums in which to do so. Besides checking out Welcome Week and reading through these FAQs, click on Members to learn more about all of the opportunities offered through particular offices at NYU. Consider pursuing an activity that you've enjoyed previously or have felt comfortable doing (i.e. team sports or community service). From there, your confidence can build and you can expand your circle at your own pace.

Counseling and Wellness Services offers groups that can help you learn skills to establish connections with others. Visit the Group Counseling page for more information.

I'm meeting some fun people, but they like to go out a lot - sometimes using substances - and I prefer to do less of that. How can I meet more students like me?

Over 50 percent of students surveyed report a strong interest in socializing where alcohol or other drug use is not the primary focus. Bottom line - there are lots of people at NYU who may share your interest, but they don't necessarily make it known. So, ask your friends if they might be up for trying something different or visit this page to find out about the Socializing Without Substances (SWOS) listserv.

I'm a commuter. Where do I connect with other commuters?

Commuter Student Services at the Student Resource Center in Kimmel is your key to connecting with other commuters. For more information about commuter-specific resources and events, the Commuter Circle club, and Commuter Assistants visit the SRC.

I transferred to NYU. How can I connect to NYU?

Welcome to your new school! Check out Transfer Student Services at the Student Resource Center and find out how to make the most of the new community you have joined. Learn about transfer events, academic and school information, student involvement and organizations and the Weekly Update.

I live in the Residence Halls. How do I take advantage of all of the programming?

Start with your RA or the RA from another floor. Visit your hall website and learn about the staff of your building, including your Peer Educator in Residence, how to participate in hall forums, what the InterResidence Hall Council is up to, and all of the opportunities to develop community within the residence halls. Click here to get started.

I want to go out and enjoy the city and also stay safe. Are there any tips I can keep in mind?

The key is to strike the right balance between confidence and caution. Safety tips can be found on the NYU Public Safety website. For tips on how to protect yourself against sexual assault, see Sexual Assault FAQs.

A word about cults...

Members of cults periodically recruit in the Greenwich Village area. For more information about how to recognize cult tactics, reference the Safety and Wellness Resources section of your Student's Guide.

I am beginning to think that some of the people I'm hanging out with are not quite right for me. How do I tell if my new friendships are on the right track and what do I do if they're not?

Every friendship develops differently but there are some common threads that characterize satisfying relationships.

How to identify a healthy friendship:

• Reciprocity exists - both people give and take enough to make the friendship work. This includes proportionate sharing of the costs of socializing - one person is not always left with the check.
• Both friends listen to, express interest about, and are sincere with each other.
• Both friends have complementary interests.
• Both friends have complementary academic goals.
• Both friends have complementary values.
• Both friends make time for each other, no matter how busy they are.
• Both friends give each other space.

How to distance yourself from an unhealthy friendship:

• Politely but strongly say "no" to the person's invitations; say that you don't feel like going out, that you need to study, or that you need some personal time.
• Join clubs, go to the gym, or find other activities that don't involve that person.
• Assertively state your worries and feelings if they won't leave you alone.
• Don't respond to their instant messages, phone calls, or e-mails.